WHAT MEN SAY                                 WHAT THEY MEAN

1)  I’m not ready for a relationship.            I don’t like you.

2) You remind me of my ex-wife.                Hmm…rebound possibility.

3) It’s not you, it’s me.                                      It’s not you, it’s me.

4) I want to take this slow.                              You’re smothering me.

5) The divorce is in the works.                       I’m still trying to get her back.

6) I have (any number over 2) cats.             Therapy hasn’t helped at all.

7) She’s just a friend, damnit.                          She considers me just a

friend, damnit.

Call me at the office.                                       I’m living with someone.

9) I have to get up early.                                    After sex, I’m out of here.

10) I loved “Bridges of Madison County”.     Please like me.

11) Your line was busy.                                       I completely forgot to call you.

12) Sorry, I’m just too tired tonight.              Damn this Prozac.

13) Maybe we need some space.                      Next!

14) I feel so comfortable with you.                 Let’s have sex already.

15) Meet my parents.                                            I love you.

* Am I just getting bored and craving something new?
* Am I afraid of getting dumped, so I’ll do the dumping?
* Am I repeating a familiar pattern?
* Am I focusing on what he/she is “not”, instead of what he/she “is”?
* Am I being influenced by someone other than myself?
* Am I not giving him/her a fair chance, and communicating my needs?
* Am I still hung up on someone else?
* Am I going through something that has nothing to do with him/her?
* Am I overreacting to a specific incident?
* Am I taking the easy way out by not working on the relationship?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you might want to hold off on ending your relationship. It might be better than you think.

Everything seemed so much easier when we were kids. And when it came to “love”, it was definitely easier. There was also much more honesty when it came to communicating our feelings. Even if we didn’t quite know exactly what those feelings were.

On May 11, 1970, in math class at P.S. 19 in New York City, nine year old Lydia Jacobs threw a paper airplane at classmate Lyle Benson.

Lyle,
Someone spit in your hair.

During lunch, Lyle dropped a small note on Lydia’s tray.

Lydia,
You always smell like coconut.

It was just the beginning.

1971

Lyle,
I’m in history class right now. I hate Mr. Pillman. Why does he look at his hands all the time? Save me a seat on the bus. I have Sweet Tarts.

Lydia,
My mother said you can come over for dinner tonight if I clean my room and if I find the hamster. So, you can come over if you want to. I don’t care. We’re having spaghetti.
P.S. Don’t dot your i’s with hearts.

Lyle,
Do you like Jill McKinney? Because she said you picked her first in kickball and then Sue Abrams said that Billy Riley said you told her friend that you said you did. I hate her. She wrote your name on her notebook. Make sure you sit next to me in lunch.

Lydia,
Who’s Jill McKinney?

Lyle,
I got an A on my math test. Jason Whitman got one too because I let him copy off me. He plays tennis.

Lydia,
I have a stomachache. I don’t want to go to the nurse because she smells like coffee and I’ll throw up. I play tennis.

Lyle,
I love you.

Lyle never wrote back. As a matter of fact, Lydia never saw him again.

I met him last night. Friday, 8:34 p.m. to be exact. He seemed intelligent; but then again, I couldn’t hear a word he was saying because some Aretha Franklin song was playing at a decibel level not fit for human eardrums. After a few drinks, info. from the bartender attesting to his single status, and approval from my friends during bathroom touch ups, I gave him my phone number. Home not work. Bold move, although I lost a few points in the ‘gutsy’ category because it was scribbled on a cocktail napkin with my MAC lipliner. He said, “I’ll call you tomorrow.” I instantly hated him.

How could he be so cruel before he even knows me? He might as well have said I’m a bit wide in the hip area and could use a facial. Why couldn’t he just have been vague and non-committal by using the word “soon”. The “S” word would have given me a few days without PCA - Phone Call Anxiety. But the damage was already done.

My best friend offered to stay over and help me through the irrational withdrawal symptoms by placing blame on the phone company, and frequently replenishing all sugary food items. I thanked her for the offer, but I had to do it alone. Nevertheless, I promised to call if there was an emergency due to faulty phone line wiring, incoming fax, answering machine malfunction, or the need to take a shower. Bravely, I went home.

The key was only halfway in the door when the obsession began. It’s just a phone! A little machine! Damn Thomas Edison! Before he invented the phone, was he aware of the aftermath? Did he take single women of the millennium into consideration? Did he have the foresight to imagine the heart palpitations that occur every time we hear the click of call waiting? Did he care at all about the profound disappointment we experience when we click to the other line and hear anybody but him? Probably not. He was a man. He was married. He lived in Jersey.

Saturday, 9:30 a.m. He said he would call today. All of a sudden, I’m anxious, then angry, then embarrassed, then sad, then depressed, then excited, then…I make a note to ask my shrink about schizophrenia.

The emotions continue to come and go as quickly as a CBS sitcom. After an attempt at meditation, and trying to go into ‘the light of a candle’, I settle on one emotion. Anger.

I don’t even know this guy and he’s making me angry! “Guy anger” is really not supposed to occur until the 3rd or possibly 4th date. Yes, there was that time with that guy, Joe something, when I didn’t get angry until the 10th encounter. - But that didn’t count because it took place on an island. Any encounter that includes an umbrella drink is automatically disqualified.

Suddenly, I remember the stack of bills I was supposed to attack last Saturday, but didn’t because the sun was out and I wanted to do that lemon in the hair thing. The bills, checkbook, diet 7-up, pen, stamps and a fresh bag of sourdough pretzels are on my coffee table. I sit on the floor, and begin the specific activity that although simple, when completed, gives most of the nation a feeling of accomplishment. There’s something relaxing about repetitive activities. - a calming effect. I sign my name over and over, grab a pretzel, sip a drink. Sign my name over and over, grab a pretzel, sip a… The phone rings!

My checkbook is swimming in a sea of 7-up; I bang my knee on the table and lodge a pretzel in my throat.

It rings again. My mind is racing. I don’t know what to do first - Try to save my checks, put ice on my knee, or attempt to cough up the pretzel nugget that seems to be expanding in my wind pipe.

The phone continues the summons. Reality sets in. I pick it up and during that split second that comes after the handpiece is lifted off the cradle, but before I say “Hello?” I cringe. I realized that during that split second I had just looked into the mirror and fluffed my hair.

At the exact moment I discover it’s him, the wedged pretzel decides to take a little tour of my vocal chords. I manage to utter the words, “Hold on!” He’s impressed with my Bea Arthur impersonation. While coughing, assuming I’m going to cough up part of a kidney - I run to the kitchen, grab the first cup I see, fill it with water, quickly guzzle water, stop coughing for two seconds, discover water went down wrong pipe, resume coughing - but in different octave, and sprint back to phone.

After I offer to call him back, I stop coughing and realize there might actually be a God. But then just as I feel a ‘moment’ approaching between us, the call waitings begin. My friends are calling to see if he called. After a quick click of a button, I try to recapture the exact moment prior to separation. I say something lame and feel stupid. He says something lame, I feel better.

The end is quickly approaching. The dance is almost over. The next moment is critical. It can go either way. The odds are almost even. - Murphy’s Law pays a house call and the conversation ends without a specific plan.

As I walk aimlessly around my apartment, my thoughts include, “The bills will not get done today…I have a lot of analysis to do…Will Dominos pizza take a personal check?…I need 2nd and 3rd opinions…male and female points of view…”

For the next few hours I phone everyone on my speed dial and find myself saying, “The denouement wasn’t ‘Nice meeting you. Hope to see you around.’ But it wasn’t, ‘Would you like to have dinner on Wednesday?’…It was somewhere in between.”

Eventually the repetition of the obsessive phone call analysis starts to have the same calming effect as signing a check over and over. It starts to feel normal.

It’s probably best I don’t get involved with this guy anyway. I’m sure he has some major issues. You can tell a lot about someone over the phone.

The debates surrounding the development of homosexuality and same sex attractions are many. Thousands of men and women seek answers to some difficult questions regarding this topic. Are some people born gay? Are there genetic flaws that lead to gender confusion? Can sexual development be altered genetically by environmental influences? If environmental conditions can alter genetic sexual development, can such alterations be reversed? Are there chemical disorders that cause homosexual behavior? One could go on and on asking, because there are many more questions like these that leave many quizzical and confused.

It is difficult to find the unbiased facts and evidence to answer these challenging questions. To many homosexuality is a vast unexplored frontier of myth, mystery and perhaps deception.

Someone once said, “Knowledge is Power.” If knowledge is power then truth is the ultimate force to be reckoned with.

A male’s early thoughts on sex are usually based on macho fiction. Of course, these generate unrealistic ideas for sexual encounters. There are quite a few men who have received their main source of education from explicit media, including magazines and movies. Male socialization offers very limited worthwhile information about personal relationships.

Music and movies are two methods men employ to learn how to interact with women. Buddy Holly, a rock and roll legend, wrote “Maybe baby, I want you tonight,” — a sentiment that regarded women as nothing more than objects to be desired and won over. The Beatles song “I Want You” has a similar theme, while the James Bond character embodies the message that real men are suave enough to get any woman into bed.

What are males taught? The majority of it is based on the desire to perform. Men are taught they must pleasure their partner during any circumstance. There are many components of the fantasy model of sex men often believe as the truth, including the idea that sex is the goal of physical intimacy, men should take the lead during sex, and that one or multiple orgasms are necessary to enjoy sex. Men are also led to believe that they have to give their partner multiple orgasms in order to be a good lover. What it boils down to is that men are taught they need to be robotic and ready to go and know just what to do to make their partner happy. He is taught that his partner’s enjoyment is dependent on his erection size and hardness.

Most of the messages young boys first receive about sex emphasize penis size, orgasms, and number of partners. Adolescents often compare their level of sexual activity with that of their peers. Sexual feats are often talked about in competing lingo, with talk similar to athletics talk.

Sexual performance is often talked about in competitive language, in the same way that men would talk about sport. This was very true of Brian, age 51. He’d been really successful in running a personal landscaping company, since he was a hard worker. Following the end of his marriage, Brian made the decision to go back for single therapy for the reason “that he had been unsuccessful since he started going out with women again.”  A problem he explained as “being too eager to get females in the bed.”  I wanted Brian to discuss his earliest idea of “sex education.”  He remembered two examples. One person was harassed about his penis size, one day after gym class. He recalls several guys teasing his friend and saying that “a girl will never desire to be with you.”  Something else he recalls was coming back from a date and his dad asking him, “Well did you get lucky?” Brian was aware of precisely what his dad meant. “Once that happened, I felt like a failure if a woman wouldn’t sleep with me,” Brian said afterward. I was surprised that these images did not make Brian connect them to his sexual aggressiveness. Both examples show how sexual misconceptions can powerfully distort the way men feel about sexuality.

Health professionals whose clients are male often have the similar unrealistic ideas about male sexuality. A number of doctors were asked to look at common myths about human sexuality that are popular with our population. The majority of men felt emasculated if a woman initiates sex and they can’t perform. They also believed that men want to be the one who initiate sex and that men think penis size and female satisfaction are linked. In general, the doctors felt that men are more goal oriented — sex is about achievement, while women view sex as a way to share and communicate. Some, even in the medical community, conclude that the sexual revolution did not successfully get rid of sexual misconceptions.

The medical community is not being consistent in the messages they are giving out to men about sexuality. Because of the societal expectations and role models for straight men, they are typically isolated from one another, especially when compared to gay men, who normally provide more support for each other. People provide a heterosexual guy straight advice. As a result of the Women’s Movement, men now have many ways to satisfy women, though often it turns out that the women wind up feeling more responsible and burdened. A fundamental change in the way men perceive women is needed before they can change their sexual views.

The main sexual difficulty is not failing to get an erection or ejaculate, but instead a man not being able to actually have fun sexually with a woman. Our professional experience backs up the research: males have been programmed to only pay attention to genital sex. Due to this, men cannot achieve their potential for real happiness with their sex lives.

Historically, men have been appreciated for the things they do and not as individuals. Skill and performance are the keys to male sexuality, and satisfaction hinges on “having the right moves.” Unfortunately, getting hung up on technique will limit the pleasure a man and his partner will have.

Because men lose strength physically and their mind gets worse as they grow older, they might have many versions of erectile problems. A lot of things can trigger erectile dysfunction, such as extreme stress, being tired, unhealthy living habits, and prescription drugs that are used for other ailments might have side effects.

Whether you believe this or you don’t, women aren’t the only ones who can have multiple orgasms. If you do some work, you can also have the same fun that a lot of females are able to have. It is possible for men to have multiple experiences and it is a disappointment that in this current society not too many people are aware of this.

So what exactly are multiple male orgasms? Let’s begin with what it isn’t: get a hard penis, have fun, release sperm. A typical myth is that orgasm and ejaculation are the same thing for men. The situation is not like this at all. Multiple Male Orgasm can really happen when you don’t ejaculate, since the two are not the same. But many men are not aware of this and they don’t even think about checking it out.

Clearly, I am discussing multiple orgasms now, but I am not discussing multiple ejaculations. If that is your interest, discuss this with your doctor to see if pills are good for you.

Now we are going to consider the five stages of normal male arousal: Excitement, Plateau, Orgasm, Ejaculation, and Resolution. It is vital to notice that the moment of Orgasm and the moment of Ejaculation (in spite of being closely related) are not the same thing.

The Process:

The Excitement Phase - This is defined by vasocongestion, an erection, a faster heart rate, partially elevated testicles, and becoming bigger (Tumescence), with erect nipples.

The Plateau Stage - In this stage, the penis tip and testicles become larger, the testicles are completely elevated, the corona has a purple color and there are secretions coming out of the Cowper’s gland.

The Orgasm Stage - Let’s be real, we all are aware of what it is and we love it. What happens is that semen is released from the vas deferens, seminal vesicles, and prostate gland, resulting in seminal liquid gathering at the base of the urethral bulb close to the prostrate. When mytotonia happens, the muscles become rigid the moment before tension is released. At this time, you will feel a little tingle telling you that the Big Event, the Point of No Return, Awareness of the Coming Release, is here.

Time For Ejaculation - This is when the prostrate, perineal muscles, as well as the shaft of the penis contract and semen is released. During this same time, your thinking is unclear. The Refractory Point has been activated in your body.

The Resolution Phase - This is when the erection goes down, testes move back, the scrotum gets thinner, myotonia and vasocongestion decreases.

How is it possible to have multiple male orgasms?

Now, when your seed is released, the body releases hormones saying it is over, so the penis can be soft again, as blood circulates to the rest of your body. This is a time of refraction. If you don’t ejaculate, you won’t get soft.

But how can I avoid letting my seed go?

This is where you are taught about the pubococcygeal muscle, also called the pelvic floor muscle, or PC muscle.  Maybe you know about this muscle because it controls how urine stops while flowing in the middle of urinating. If it is a struggle for you to stop the flow, then your PC muscle is not strong. If this is your situation, then you have to make your PC muscle stronger before you can achieve multiple orgasms. When the PC muscle is squeezed or contracted, you should feel like your pelvic organs are being pushed up. MMO is totally dependent on having strong control of this muscle. When you find out its location (easy to do while urinating), you can exercise it anyplace in privacy. If you make this muscle stronger, you can actually stop everything from going wild, and therefore have two, three, or four orgasms without the grand climax.

Well I discovered where the muscle is and made it stronger, so now what do I do?

Do you recall the Point of No Return? It doesn’t have to be like this. The secret for Multiple Male Orgasm is coming near the Event Horizon, the time when you are aware of what is going to happen, and then making good use of this muscle. This is the reason is it necessary to realize that an orgasm and ejaculation are different.

Can the orgasms be as wonderful as they would be if I just had one?

Not really, however you have several more experiences than you would have had, and then you will have your final climax anyhow.

My pubococcygeal muscle is weak; what can be done?

Now here comes the fun:  Rehearse this while you masturbate. Try this when you are alone and have no distractions. You can help to locate your PC muscle by focusing on your breathing. Concentrating on the breaths you take also helps you hear what your body is saying when you are coming near ejaculation. When you are aroused, discover your restrictions and bring yourself closer each time. Come near the Event Horizon, but as you come close, relax and back away from it. Every time this happens, your PC muscle should be exercised. Come closer every time. Eventually pass it by and realize your strength. The first time, you might not be able to do it, but this is alright, you still enjoyed yourself.

Is this similar to riding a bicycle and when I know the method for MMO, will I be set for the future?

Not really. You have to continue strengthening the muscle. Like other muscles, if it isn’t used regularly, it loses strength. If it is developed and you have a relationship for a few months, then you separate and you have a period of bad luck, you must stay in shape while you do not have a partner.

Enjoy this new skill. I advise that you look at the Kama Sutra (summarized on the Internet or read the book) or study the Chakras and the method of sex, rather than just believing you are naturally good in bed. You don’t want to erroneously believe you are great, when your partner is actually faking it, and you are taking longer than she wants to put up with. Remember that the Tao and Eastern civilizations have been doing this for centuries, so it is thought to be safe for your health, however if you experience any undesired side effects, quit.

Enhance your sex life with organic foods

Nothing compares to the succulence of fresh, organic foods, especially when you know the potential for performance and enjoyment between the sheets! Since nutrition is the foundation of all healing, we must make sure we are eating the right foods to ensure optimal health and sexual balance. A nutrient dense diet of unprocessed, whole foods will provide concentrated sources of key nutrients such as zinc, essential fatty acids and vitamins A, C, D and E, for our reproductive health. Impotence, infertility and premature ejaculation have been treated for over a thousand years with natural therapies and home remedies.

Natural self-care can come in many forms with a corrective diet and special food therapies that should not be overlooked. There are corrective drugs and surgical intervention available, but as is often the case with drugs such as viagra, there is a price to pay for tampering with the body’s biochemistry. It’s not really an option for our youth-health minded men as it interferes with the body’s chemistry and ultimately prevent a true, lasting healing from taking place. Through generations of handed down traditions of fertility nutrition, native Indian men and women throughout the world, consume large quantities of animal derived foods. Rich in vitamin A and D, raw or steamed salmon, sardines, raw dairy foods [full fat cheeses, eggs, sour cream, milk], a variety of insects and offal, offer rich sources of fat-soluble activators.

Today we’re warned against eating fatty foods, especially meats and dairy for fear of impotence and clogged arteries? This fear, and many other activist’s scare mongering, are utterly unfounded and ultimately body harmful. What they don’t care to point out is that it is actually the unsaturated, polyunsaturated and transfatty acids found in the foods vegans and vegetarians are steered towards, which are the most dangerous, and must be eliminated from the diet, post haste. Leave these food poisons, which includes cold pressed vegetable oils (excluding olive) to the opinionated activists and get the essential ‘male’ nutrients from organically farmed animal and environmentally protected ocean foods. If fish or meat is unpalatable, get into the healthy habit of eating raw eggs (from free roaming chickens) and (organically farmed) raw goat cheese, fish oils and seaweed.

Deficiency in male reproductive essential fatty acids and minerals is now being linked to prostate weakness and infertility. Without supplementation of zinc, inhibition of the conversion of testosterone precursors into the activated hormone occurs and since zinc is found in high concentrations in seminal fluid, it is essential for male health and sexual excellence. Over time, zinc deficiency ultimately leads to an overgrowth of prostatic tissue.

Beware of plant food sources of zinc, the phytic acid and enzymes inhibitors in these vegetarian foods are poorly absorbed, so unless you sprout, ferment or roast them first, leave them to the squirrels and birds. The highest and most renowned dietary source of zinc is an age-old aphrodisiac delicacy with a long reputation for ensuring a man’s virility. A candlelit dinner with oysters, can definitely set the mood, and if eaten twice or three times a week, any zinc deficiency is corrected and balanced while any impotence or fertility problems, healed.

The best sources of essential fatty acids are fish (salmon, sardines, mackerel) and their oils, dark leafy vegetables, flax seed and walnuts. Consumed regularly as part of a balanced diet, they nourish the prostate gland and when converted into proglandins they facilitate hormonal activity on a cellular level. Vitamin E, another essential male nutrient is a major component of prostatic tissue and necessary for the formation of sperm. One of the best sources is wheat germ oil. Legumes and nuts are rich in arginine, an amino acid that enhances circulation and dilates the capillaries of the penis increasing blood flow. Low sperm counts are increased and, arginine is considered the standard treatment for male infertility.

If you’ve ever wondered how Buddhist monks dampen their libido, check out what they eat. Tofu is consumed in great quantities to reduce sexual inclination and arousal, so if you want the opposite, avoid all soybean foods. Soy isoflavones are genotoxic to sperm. Also, avoid commercially-farmed/raised animal foods. Modern animal husbandry routinely use estrogenic hormones to fatten up their stocks, obviously the residues of these estrogens are served up in your plate, too, so if you eat meat and dairy, go organic.

Have a good health!

Since you are a single guy, the problem of the way to attract girls could be very mind boggling.

Some men seem to have found the great secret to attracting women, as girls flock to them; but other guys seem paralyzed with fear at the mere thought of having a conversation with a girl. For a lot of men, it might seem that popular guys have natural abilities with a charm and personality that girls find it difficult to resist, but nothing could be as misleading as this. As a matter of fact, as far as attracting girls, those guys once were blundering just as woefully as any other guy. The only different thing they have done is to polish their techniques in picking up females.

The art of communication, respect and never chase a girl are among these skills. Let’s consider each one of these important attraction concepts more thoroughly to improve your ability to attract girls.

The Art of Communication

When trying to attract women, undoubtedly effective communication skills are under appreciated and rarely utilized correctly. You must gain expertise as a communicator so that you can really prosper from any interaction with a girl. How you carry yourself and how you talk to women clearly show your personality and communication skills. A woman will usually evaluate these traits within the first moments of a conversation. If you do not develop the best possible communication skills, girls will probably look for someone else to become involved with.

Respect

Girls are universally attracted to males who have self-respect and comport themselves confidently. Don’t confuse being confident with being cocky; confidence increases your attractiveness to girls but cockiness turns the girls away, so be certain you are aware of the difference between the two.

Never Stalk a Girl

Something that you do to ruin a chance with a girl is to continuously stalk her and any girl you see. You will become considerably more appealing to a girl if other girls are chasing you rather than the reverse. A man who is being pursued by other girls is often intriguing to ladies, and they are frequently more interested in him as a result of the competition.

So, that’s it. Three easy skills that you can start working on right away to become more attractive to girls and transform yourself from a single guy to one who dates.

Their plans for the future, to the extent they have them, remain open to change.

Guys are looking for fun, not a ball and chain. They could very well want a long-term relationship, but bringing it up out of the blue will just kill the mood.

Ways to Hook Men

–Think about now, not five years from now. Have a good time.

–Don’t Say the “M” Word! Even more mature men are often commitment-phobes. Live in the present; there’s no rush.

–Be a fun person. You have to exude energy. Be fun to be with.  Being boring never got anyone anywhere.

–Your Friends Could Be Your Worst Enemies. Don’t succumb to temptation to break this difficult-to-follow rule. Your friends can be a great source of informal advice, but remember that they lack the training and experience to consistently give good advice. Your mother might know a thing or two, but the best source of advice is someone with a proven track record of successful relationships.

–Never put on a false front to impress a guy. Any of the guys you’re meeting could turn out to be your soul mate. Even if he’s not, he may know another guy you end up clicking with. Don’t be fake. Don’t be that girl who sticks with Mr. Right Now wondering when and how they can meet Mr. Right.

Staying true to yourself is probably the most important role, since if you subordinate your true self to a manufactured persona, reasserting your true self can be surprisingly difficult.

Also, you’ll never be sure if he likes you or your persona. If he doesn’t like the real you, the relationship can be ended before anyone is too emotionally invested, saving both parties time and heartache.

Don’t forget…

“Attracting guys should be fun!” - If you find trying to attract guys to be a drag, that means it’s time to reassess your strategy and try again. If you are headed in the wrong direction, you can turn it around without have to retrace your steps too far!